in my heart of hearts i find my self stuck between the near unbearable sweetness of love and the inevitable pressure for pain. i live my days at 90 miles an hour trying to encompass every moment of it and walk away feeling it was just a glimpse of what could've been. then the night comes and i feel suspended in time watching the seconds slowly pass by. i find my confidence in myself nearly comical at how sure i am nothing could hurt me and i flaunt it and fear nothing. then the sun sets and everyone goes home and im left alone with nothing to worry me except the depths of my own mind and understanding. it is here that i have learned to fear. with every positive quality i have (so many lol), in my mind lies its imaginative adversary battling my conscience. i find myself stuck between a complex, witty, and evil mind, and a simple and large caring heart. i found i have an odd sense of enjoying certain physical pain: i never go to the hospital and i wait extended periods of time to resolve pain. i dont use any pain relievers, even when i was 10 i severed my finger and i had the doctor not knock me out so that i could watch him reconstruct my shattered bone and sew the skin back together. i dont go looking to get hurt, but im never afraid of it because i realize tonight that it balances me; i want my body to feel the pain my heart holds.
and that is my monday night while my friend lauren dreams of pink lamborghini's or some crap.
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